Dowry: Parental Concerns and Expectationsin Pakistan

Sana Fatima, Ahmed Bilal and Asma Anwar

University of Management and Technolog, Lahore

The current study was conducted to investigate parental views, concerns, and expectations regarding the dowry practice. For this purpose, six fathers and six mothers were interviewed who indulged in dowry practiced. After analyzing data through thematic analysis, three superordinate themes emerged: dowry perspective, concerns behind dowry, and consequences and prevention ofdowry. Participants were aware of the concept, origin,and religious basis of the dowry system. They mainly supported limited dowry provision on a daughter?s wedding but opposed accepting from a daughter-in-law. Participants believed that dowry had a destructive impactat societal, economic,and familial levels and was connected to greediness, delayed marriages, loans, psychological impact, financial miseries, dowry-related violence, and divorce. Eradication measures of the dowry system included promoting awareness and knowledge of Islamic Shariah, the role of media,and developing a sense of equity among the community. This study helped us to understand the core motives behind the provision and acceptance of dowry.

Keywords: dowry; dowry concerns; dowry expectations; dowry consequences; dowry challenge

A family is a unit of great importance for society as it transcends social and spiritual values (Hodge, 2005), and marriage is the basisof thatfamily system. In various cultures, marriage is considered as a sacred bond between two individuals who commit to each other. In the Islamic society of Pakistan, marriage is a religious obligation, safeguarding morality,and a social commitment (Meraj, 2018). On the occasion of marriage giving and receiving gifts (where the giver of such gifts is the bride‟s side and the recipient is the groom‟s side) is a common practice. These gifts are referred to as dower,and the practice is termed dowry (Goody & Tambiah, 1973). In addition, dowry also denotes the traditional itemssuch as ornaments, cooking utensils, or other domestic items such as wardrobes that accompany a bride to her marital home. It may also includecash, electronics,and furniture items which helpthe newlyweds in establishing ahome (Mohabey &Tiwari, 2015).

Dowryis a way of marriage reimbursement, which indicatesfacilitation and preparation of expenses by some guardians, which also imposescertain consequencesof greater influence on the young couple after marriage (Caldwell et al., 1983). This lens portrays the dowry as a positive practice, but it has become asocietal evil that has adversely affected our society and caused social and economic decline. Pakistan faces numerous societal problems to deal with, but dowry is a major one, and also a leading factor inpropagating the idea thatthe birth of a daughter isa burden (Gull, 2011). Further, it is also linked with many negative outcomes such as domestic violence, harassment of daughters-in-law, etc. (Jeyaseelan et al., 2015; Singh, 2013).Generally, dowry is a custom, andits demand is growing with time (Shah et al., 2016). The leading factors whichsustain and make dowry a customary practice include lack of information about the law, illiteracy, lack of social awareness, and biased socialand cultural attitudes that are commonly embedded in the general mindset of the community (Qudder, 2014).

Unfortunately, dowry has becomea rigid custom overtime in some parts of the world, mainly in Asia, Northern Africa,and the Balkans (Kalantry & Kestenbaum, 2011). To understand dowry,there is a need to explore it from the provider's and consumer‟s point of view. A bulk of research is available on dowry-related violenceanddeath,and its negative aspects,but little has been done to look at the parental perspective of dowry exchange. Hence, the researchers aimed to explore the lived experiences of parents having marriageable and married children, and their concerns and expectations regarding dowry,as they are the prominent figures in providing andreceiving dowry. Therefore, the study was followed by three research questions: Firtly,whatare the subjective experiences of parents regarding dowry? Secondly, what are the concerns of marriageable and married daughters‟ fatherstoward dowry? Lastly,what are the expectations of marriageable and married sons‟ motherstoward dowry?

At its core, metacognition means the ability to think about one's thinking. It is crucial for several cognitive functions, such as problem-solving, decision-making, and learning. As individuals engage in metacognitive processes, they become better equipped to adapt and optimize their cognitive strategies, leading to improved performance and knowledge acquisition (Hacker & Dunlosky, 2009). Among children of ages between 3 and 5, concurrent with the improvement of theory of mind, metacognitive processes also begin and can last a lifetime. The ability to consider one's own and other people's mental states is a critical social- cognitive skill which is included in the concept of theory of mind, which also covers metacognitive abilities. Parallel to the growth of cognitive processes, metacognition and theory of mind develop more quickly, especially in students. The child's academic performance, motivation, interpersonal relationships, and social relationships are all impacted by this developmental stage (Pezzica et al., 2018).

Method

This qualitative research used thematic analysis to identify and interpret the meaning of the data set,as it enablesone to comprehend the complexity of any conflict under research (Braun & Clarke, 2006). Furthermore, it is also suitable to detect any influencing elements generated by the participants. Hence, interpretations are valuable in terms of presenting the most aptexplanations forresponders‟attitudes, thoughts,and actions. It resonates aptly with features included in the process of thematic analysis (Creswell, 2014).

Participants

Through the purposive sampling technique, the study recruited 12 participants (three fathers of marriageable daughters, three fathers of married daughters, three mothers of marriageable sons,and three mothers of married sons). Only the participants who were from middle socio-economic status, had 3 to 4 children,and were involved in dowry practices were included in the study. Cousin and love marriage cases, and parents of grooms who hadsettled abroad for earning purposes,were excluded. The bride‟s father and groom‟s mother were selected because,in Pakistan, the father as the head of the family who hasthe decision-making power on fundamental issues (e.g., weddings, schooling, etc.) (Qamar, 2016). On the other hand, the mother-in-law is an authoritative and governing figure forthe daughter-in-law in her marital family (Qamar, 2018). The demographic characteristics of the sample are shown in Table 1 and Table 2.

Material and Procedure

Semi-structured interviews were used to scrutinize in-depth perceptions and experiencesof the participants. These types of interviews are aflexible tool thataids in the rapport-building process with respondents, allows higher and diverse coverage of content, helps to cover different areas, and tends to generate a valuable amount of data (Osborn & Smith, 2015). For conducting theseinterviews, an interview guide was made which included two portions (each containing 9 questions), one for fathers and the other for mothers. Data was collected at the participants‟ residencesafter obtaining consent and developing rapport. Interviews were recorded and conducted in the native language. On average, it took 20-35 minutes to complete an interview.

Taking into account the research goals, this study adopted a content analysis approach to create a comprehensive understanding and knowledge of the information. After transcribing the interviews, comprehensive reading and coding were done by the researchers. During initial coding, the data was organized by formalizing meanings into clusters of relevant sub-themes and themes. Emerged codes and themes were shared with other researchers to reach an inter-coder agreement. Furthermore, significant statements forall the themes were extracted. Interpretations of the results were done from two stances, as the data suggested,and based on the researchers‟ insight into the data.

Ethical Consideration

Participants of the study were informed about the research purposeand its nature. Beforethe interview,their consent to participate was sought. They were also guaranteed that their shared informational data would be kept private, anonymous and would be used only for research purposes. Participants have the right to withdraw from the study at any time with impunity. A written informed consent from concerned participants was an integralof the interview procedure,and interviews were recorded after taking their consent.

Results

For the investigation of parental views, concerns,and expectations regarding dowry and its practice in Pakistani civilization, thematic analysis was used to analyze the transcribed data of all informants. Investigation of the data proposed three main themes,namely dowry perspective, concerns behind dowry, and consequences and coping.

Dowry Perspective

Dowry as a practice is almost as old as the institutionof marriage itself. In the following study, participants holddifferent views with regard todowry and its practice. A mutual stance is the traditional obligation of the bride‟s family to present dowry at the time of hermarriage. Participants held different perspectivesregarding the dowry concept;the most common view was that dowry practice was the result of shared living with Hindusbefore the partition of subcontinent.“This is Hindu culture as we got partitioned, so our mentality remained enslaved. Dowry is one of the evils we inherited from them” (P6). “We have inherited theevil of dowry from India. Baniya is a culture in India. Since Muslims and Hindus used to live together, so this ritual came from there” (P1). “Our society has made it a ritual. Dowry includes the things given at the time of the daughter‟s wedding” (P3)

Articles givenas dowry were more or less the same for all participants. Some were in favor of providing basic need items such assimple furniture, crockery, dresses, bed linen, and electronics. However, some participants suggested the provision of expensiveitems such asLCD, AC, and refrigerator in dowry.“It should have a bed, sofa, chairs, a cupboard, clothes, jewelry,etc., these are called Dowry” (P2). “Dowry is a share. As they say, this is a share, take it. The things that parentgive to the daughter are given as a gift” (P11). “All the domestic use things that the daughter needs are called Dowry. Dowry includes all the things. We gave everything,including room accessories, crockery, furniture, bedding, trunks, blankets, machine, fridge, LCD” (P8)

Provision of household items was the most common form of dowry as reported by participants. All of the participants were well aware of the religious basis of dowry. Here dichotomy of ideas wasseen, ten participants reported that dowry is a non-Islamic practice,yet the basic need items are Islamic, and they gavethe reference of Jahez-e-Fatima (R.A).“It is a social custom and not an Islamic custom. According to Islam, what has our Prophet (s.a.w) given to hisdaughter, a lota, a prayer mat, and a few such things?” (P7)

One participant reported that dowry is a “Sunnah” of the Prophet (s.a.w).“This is Sunnah. The Prophet (s.a.w) also gave basic accessories to hisdaughter but in today‟s time, the needs have increased. It's fine if dowry is limited to only basic things. As far as basic accessories are considered, then it is an Islamic custom” (P4)

However,just two participants knew the reality of Jahez-e-Fatima, that Hazrat Muhammad (S.A.W) was the guardian of Hazrat Ali (R.A) and he paid for those limited items quoted as Jahez-e-Fatima.“This is not an Islamic custom. Nowhere is it proventhat itisan Islamic ritual. The accessories thatwe quote as Jahaiz e Fatima were provided by the Prophet (S.A.W), but he didn‟t pay for those things. Hazrat Ali bought them, which were then given by the Prophet (S.A.W) to Bibi Fatima.” (P6)“As far as my knowledge is, Prophet (S.A.W) gave things (dowry) to her daughter because Hazrat Ali used to live there.” (P12)

While pointing out the present trends, dowry has become a form of inheritance share of daughters that is given to them attheir weddings. “My religion has advised to give a property share to daughter. If the daughter withdraws from it herself then be it, it is her right, to either take it or give it to her brothers. A new trend has started these days that, in my life, I have given my daughter dowry from her share in property” (P6)

Concerns behind Dowry

It is apparent and explicit that dowry is practiced on account of certain reasons.However, themotives behind its provision and acceptance can vary family-wise and region-wise. In Pakistan paying dowry at the time of wedding, is a universal trend and seemsan intentional act of the bride‟s family. “We have to give (dowry) to our daughter, everyone will arrange whatever they can afford” (P11). “My daughter is going; she should get every facility there and should not become dependent on anyone.” (P2). “Definitely, I will give (dowry) to my daughter; because I do not know what type of in-laws she will have. Family‟s culture differs. If in future her Devarani, Jethani‟s mother has provided (dowry) to them then they will keep on complaining to her that your mother gave you nothing.” (P12)

Similarly, two participants also reported that dowry is linked to the bride‟s respect and matter of ego issues of the new generation. “Our society does not respect the one who does not bring dowry. No matter how strongly you say it‟s a curse but our society has lost respect of good and bad” (P8). “It is respected whenthe daughter is bringing some accessories from her home. It is a matter of her own (girl‟s parents) pride and daughter‟s respect and to fulfill other family‟s (groom‟s family) expectations.” (P4)

According to a participant, dowry is not obnoxious in the case of affording suppliers and non-affording consumers.“If the girl‟s parents are filthy rich and the groom‟s family does not have much then it‟s alright to provide it as a gift rather than dowry.” (P-10)All participants reported that dowry is mainly practiced as an imposed societal ritual.It seemed difficult to marry a daughter without dowry because of tangiblefears and concerns.“People gossip if dowry is not provided, in-laws too, even the surrounding people also. It is compulsion for the bride‟s family to give either more or less. They upset the daughter by saying what have your parents provided for you by taunting her. We have made these rituals to keep our noses(meaning to maintain our respect).” (P5). “Our society does not let the daughters live if no dowry is given. In-laws do not let them settle. Parents (girl‟s) do not want anybody to taunt their daughtersabout what they havebought. People do not give respect if (dowry) is not provided. The girl feels safe in society because of dowry.” (P8)

In addition, the nature in which dowry demand is madeis another significant aspect along with other factors behind its practice. Dowry is the demand of the groom‟s family conveyed either in a direct manner or by some indirect gestures. Sometimes the demand of the dowry takes on the form of a gamblethat if the bride‟s family pays a certain quantity of dowry, marriage will happen.“In-laws complain (to daughter-in-law) you have not brought this and that. Therefore, (we) give money to shut their mouths. They still demand more even if you give almost everything. My father provided me with everything still they made an issue. My in-laws wanted me to bring (petty things) like matchstickstoo from my home.” (P8). “My daughter‟s in-laws had not demanded dowry as such but the behavior is so that they are expecting nice things in their daughter-in-law‟s dowry so that their extended family can admire that they have brought a good daughter-in-law.” (P4). “Some people show their demands to surrounding people and not directly.” (P5)

Few participants suggested that greed is a contributing aspect todowry demand. Sometimes,greed levelsincrease to the pointthat families feelno hesitation while cashing the groom based on certain qualities.“If somebody is greedy, he will demand dowry; this is nothing else but greed. She (daughter-in-law) will bring new and latest accessories. Demand a new and big fridge from her, so this is nothing but greed.” (P12). “Dowry is something that no matter how much you provide,it never gets admiration. There should be jewllery set, car, plot, and the property share of girl should be allotted to her.” (P10)

Mostly,mother-in-laws reported no demand from the bride‟s family, however,daughter-in-laws were allowed to bring whatever they wantedor what their parents providedwith convenience.“My son‟s mother-in-law says she has only two daughters so she will give dowry to her daughter. It is her happiness. So we are in trouble,either we take dowry or we do not” (P11). “Whatever anybody wants to do for himself or herself; can do. I think no demands should be made; they have given their daughter to us that is enough of their favor” (P12)

Although dowry was not demanded from the groom'sside,most mothers showed disappointment towards the gifts from the bride'sside and other dowry items.“The clothes that came from son‟s in-laws were of low quality. I did not like them” (P7). “I have provided everything to my daughters but my daughter-in-law has not brought anything nocooler, hotpot, washing machine, sewing machine, nothing, but she says she knows stitching then she should have brought a machine, she has brought nothing for her use. Those dresses given to my daughters were of low quality and ordinary like those fromAuriga (a low price market) which are priced at PKRs. 1500 easily. Nothing came on childbirth; they did not bring anything for her only sister-in-law who stays at home (unmarried yet). I thought I too might not have given any dowry to my own daughters had I know before that my daughter-in-law would bring nothing” (P9). “My whole extended family complained and gossiped aboutwhat is given to the groom, no car etc.; they said Baaji did not marry her son where a car was being gifted to him instead brought daughter-in-law from where nothing was given, whereas I wanted my only daughter in law to be decent, religious and good. We already had all material things athome” (P7)

Furthermore, few mothers valued their daughters-in-lawand their characteristics instead of dowry. “A good daughter-in-law is a blessing even if she does not bring dowry. According to my experience dowry,is not necessary,but the daughter-in-law and her upbringing should be good. If the girl is good, leave the rest (dowry). I do not want dowry; she should give me mental peace and just behave well with me.” (P8). “The bride‟s personality is valued, no matter how much dowry you have brought but if your personality is not good, you cannot coexist then you are not valued” (P12)

One participant reported that education plays a vital role in terms of dowry issues. They further explainedthat educated marital familiesnever havea blaming attitude towards daughter-in-law.“By the grace of Allah, all my sisters are educated so neither my sisters nor my mother taunted my wife ever” (P6). “All the expenses her (daughter-in-law‟s) father borefor her education and upbringing, taking her back and forth is enough for me” (P10)

Consequences and Prevention

Collectively, the dowry system may contribute to devastating effects on a society as well as on the individual. It may also be a source of devaluing human virtue and dignity. It has created many socio-economic problems with severe consequences. Sometimes severity increases to a pointthat it becomes the source ofviolence. Dowry violence may occurdue to a lackof, or insufficient, or dowry amountand items. All participants identified its adverse effects on the community, the bride, the bride‟s family, the marriage, and family economics.

“The dowry (custom) should end, as many daughters become oldwithout marriage waiting fordowry arrangement” (P2). “The real problem is for the ones who cannot afford dowry as a result their daughters remain unmarried;this also happens when the groom‟s family demands dowry and those demands go unfulfilled” (P3). “Parents try harder to maintain (societal) standards and fallintodebts. We have made dowry a burden on ourselves” (P4). “Girls were sent back to their parent'shome fromtheirin-laws whentheir parents had not given them dowry as demanded; fights and quarrels would happen leading to divorce” (P7)

Two participants explained forms of dowry abuse and torture from marital families.“The groom‟s families definitely complain and make the girl‟s life miserable and return her to her familysaying that your father has not provided such and such things, it‟slike the stoveblastsin homes, these don‟t happen just like that, first they blast the girl‟s mind and then the stove, leading to the girl‟s death. Alternatively, the girl dies while the in-laws keep on displayingnegligence” (P6). “The ones who want dowry they take it no matter what. My sister‟s in-laws would beat her and send her to get money from me (sister) and they would sell thingsfrom her dowry when she would come to her parents‟ home. They inflicted many crueltieson her so that she died so early” (P10)

There are numerous challenges on the path to doing away with dowry practice. Participants of the study also reported challenges to abolish and overcome this evil.“Fightingagainst the society is only possible with great force. You do not have the courage to fightsociety. Yes, you can exert limited control in your own home. We have made dowry a necessity, life can be spent without it even, and everything is possible. If youdo not eat biryani, and cannot afford or it and you do not have finance for it, you caneat plain rice too or even if you do not eat (rice), you will still stay alive. However, you say no, I want to eat it, I want to cook it because so and so has cooked it” (P1)

To prevent the spread of dowry system, participants suggested the requirement of communal efforts, the role of media, and decreased advertisement of dowry items.“There should only be as much dowry as people can afford; unlike I provide so much that my surrounding people find it conduct their childrenweddings” (P1). “The groom should be able enough to have decorated the home and bought things for his wife beforehand so he willnot have to need dowry” (P6). “Many issues will be solved if our children‟s parent‟s mentality turns for the better. It is all due to ignorance from religion, nothing else” (P10). “It will end if you cancel it today. The society should boycott it. As we have unions here, union councils are built, similarly,all the neighbors or people from the same area should gather, discuss it, the TVchannels should discuss it. It should end” (P2). “The government should make a law as they have fixed the time and one dish(at weddings). Only the government can do something about it, only then we all will be relieved “(P12)These comments indicated that participants discouraged the practice of dowry that would become a burden for daughters‟ parents, and wanted to cease this custom by collective initiatives.

Discussion

In Pakistan, marriage is a challenge on account ofcorresponding ceremonies whichrequire substantial expenditure,in which dowry has becomean integral part. According to current estimates, expenditure ondowry articles is six times larger than the annual family income in South Asia and four times greater in sub-Saharan Africa (Anderson, 2007). Moreover, ina survey by Gallup Pakistan (2017), 56% of Pakistanis believe girls can'tget married without a dowry.

In the current study, all the participants considereddowry asderived fromHindu customs in practice due to theimpact of shared living before the Indo-Pak partition, Indian culture and media, and the social illness of society. Tambiah (1973) maintained contradictory views that dowry is an ancient custom not practiced primarily by Hindus, not a direct customborrowed by the Muslims from the Hindus. Further,dowry is seenas a pre-mortem inheritance shareof daughters, which is also supported by previousliterature indicating a rise in dowry trend because of its perception as a pre-mortem inheritance(Sarwar et al., 2016). In terms of dowry articles, participants pointed out varying degreesof agreement. However, common dowry items comprised room accessories, furniture, closets, electronics, kitchen utensils, dresses, bed linen, jewelry, automobiles,and cash (Puri, 1999). The concept of limited dowry is an additional finding to the previous literature as participantsconsidered that the dowry system is difficult to cease, so it should be limited to basic things only.

Participants were well aware of the religious basis of dowry and practiced it as a Sunnah of the beloved Prophet (S.A.W) (Bazmee, 1978). However, two out of twelve participants reported contradictory views reporting thatHazrat Muhammad (S.A.W)was the guardian of Hazrat Ali (R.A),so being his guardian,he provided basic articles of living (Noorie, 2010). Dowry is not entitled in Islam rather Islam giveswomen an advantage in that the groom neededto pay mehr (bridal gift) and supportingwife and family modestly (Ashraf, 1998). Three out of twelve participants reported that the provision of a secure place, furnished with basic utilities, and expenditure of marriage is the responsibility of the husband (Perveen et al., 2012)

In Pakistan, the bride‟s parents give dowry mostly out of love, care,and welfare motives (Hamid et al., 2011; Makino, 2014). Among twelve participants, three of them considereddowryas a gift from parents (Chaudry, 2016)because it representsthe parent‟s affection and care (Kapadia, 1966). Being a patrilocal civilization, in our society the bride moves to her marital family, therefore, parents provide basicbelongings to accommodate their daughters (Ali, 1992). Moreover,parents had to give dowry to ensure the happiness of their daughter in her in-laws because they considerdowry as a shield against the in lawsmisconduct towards their daughters (Nasrin, 2011). Commonly,dowry-related problemsmainly originate from the in-laws,and mother and sisters-in-law play a significant role in dowry-related taunting attitudestoward the bride (Ali et al., 2013).In the current study, most mothers-in-lawreported no demand imposed onthe bride‟s family, yet they showed disappointmenttowards gifts from the bride‟sside and dowry items which revealedtheir hidden expectations. Specific to Pakistaniculture, obvious demandsare less prevalent;however marital familiesexpectto receive a dowry upon their son‟s marriage (Rao &Rao, 1980). Similarly, other research has also shown that dowry requirement was linked to domestic abuse, i.e. physical, psychological, economic, and verbal (Ali et al., 2013; Singh, 2013).

Apart from parents‟ voluntary intentions, participants reported that dowry is practiced due to the imposed fear of post-marital crisis and divorce (Esteve-Volart,2003). Theyalso reported that dowry is demanded due to the decline of moral virtues,i.e.,affection, love, kindness, compassion, etc. (Singh, 2016). Anotherreason behind dowry demand isgreed and custom in Pakistani society (Gulzar et al., 2012). Regardless of any sort of concerns behind dowry, parentshave to face certain difficulties while arranging a dowry due tothe economic situation of Pakistan, therefore, theyremain strained while collecting the desired amount to pay for their daughter‟s wedding (Singh, 2016),whichleadsthem to take loans from different sources, consequently, forcing families into impoverishment (Davis 2007; Ejaz, 2006). Especially in Punjab (Pakistan),dowry creates psychological stress on the bride‟s side (Perveen et al., 2012). Anjum et al. (1995) stated that due to poverty, either girls stay unmarried or are married to a mismatchedpartner (Sarwar et al., 2016).

Beside the negative effects of dowry, there arestillnumerous challenges on the path of decreasingdowry practice. Participants of the study reported that it is difficultto eradicate the dowry system in our culture due to a lack of unity against this practice and an inabilityto confront established societal normsand tradition. However,dowry can be limited to basic needspurpose instead of luxurious items exhibiting social standing (Roulet, 1996) by promoting awareness (Tomlinson & Tariquzzaman, 2009). Participants suggested that dowry can be controllable at an individual level by the strict refusal of accepting dowry and arranging bridal setup by in-laws. It is also suggested that media, local union councils,and government should play an active role in limiting dowry to a range of basic items in everyclass of society out of a sense of equality. This can be done by introducing some format of basic and required articles, and by prohibitingdowry display and advertisement of dowry items. Moreover, promoting awareness of the Islamic teachings that daughters are a blessing,and promoting females‟ rights to possessions can help limit this dowry practice.

This study helps us to understand theviewsand struggles of the bride‟s parentsassuring dowry at the time of wedding.We hope that this study will contribute topromoting awareness in society abouthow dowry affects family economics and mental well-being. One of the significant limitations of the current study is that it included only fathers from the bride'sside and mothers from the groom'sside. Further, due to a shortage of time, the sample was taken only from the Punjab province.Future studiescould include parents from both sides(brides and grooms)high and lower-class families from different regions in order to explore how they viewdowry and what problems they face on account of dowry practice and whether they supportdowry practice or not and also investigateregionaldifferences in dowry practice.

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